Unexpected surprise

There are just those times in life when things seems to fall into place cosmically. You decide (or were nudged) to contact someone. Then you actually meet them. Then you meet people connected to them. Then you find out that you aren’t as crazy as you thought or you’re all crazy together.

Having one’s eyes reopened is not always such a pleasant experience. But that’s our choice I think because of how we perceive things. Being opened up forces us to see what is around us and sometimes more painfully, what is inside of us. We can choose to either to stay/go back to the safe place we came from or take that momentary step into uncomfortableness that can be a source of new happiness. Many of these things are tied into emotions. And if nothing else, I know that I’m a creature of emotions. It’s not always so easy to keep myself in check. I stay vigilant in holding the up and down swings from getting too far off with varying degrees of success. My whole life I’ve been told that my emotions are generally known or seen before I have admitted it to myself.

Note to self: avoid poker tournaments.

I am a believer that people can be an inspiration to others and this can be a great opportunity. It can lead to good or bad changes but no matter what, we have to accept the responsibility for those changes. No one makes us do anything we don’t want to do. One somewhat fake scenario has to do with someone holding a gun to your head and ‘making’ you choose to do something or make some decision. You might feel stress and pressure but still the decision is yours. You could just say, “Nope. Not doing it.” even if the consequences are everyone being shot.

I continue to feel inspired to make positive changes in my life. Diabetes and heart disease are an american staple. I know I should be taking better care of myself. Exercising and eating well are good places to start and I’ve made small changes in this direction. I can tell myself a hundred times that I need to be better. It just hasn’t happened been consistent. It’s my responsibility. It’s my choice. And it has to be for myself.

I hope in the coming weeks and months I can start to make those decisions that I think are for a betterment to my mind, body and spirit. I look forward to this challenge as I have an inspiration.

-It’s not an uphill battle, just an opportunity to get some exercise.-

Fear and loathing

How often do you find yourself in a moment where you start to wonder why you are doing what you are doing at that exact moment in time?

I have found myself on a documentary kick these past few weeks and I can say that I’m afraid. I’m scared out of my mind. Not completely debilitating but for a few moments I don’t think there was a single thought just emotions.

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead


Waiting for Superman

Forks Over Knives

Vanishing of the Bees

King Corn

Food, Inc

These documentaries have been on health, nutrition, diet, our food and our education system. All of those seem to me to be up at Code Red as potential national threats go. Unfortunately, we seem to be the real threat to ourselves. I don’t want this to be thought of a Yeah America. We rule! kind of ethnocentric thinking.


This is more of a what the hell have we done and is there even a chance to fix things!

I feel like I’ve been in a haze of thinking, not only of what are we doing to ourselves and our children but what have I been doing to myself. I’m hoping that I can keep these thoughts in my head and start putting my life and body back into a better place. I want to keep writing but I keep thinking about these movies and I think I’m done for now. I need to go meditate… or was that medicate?