Saved by the bell?

Climbing went well tonight. Just enough that my arms and legs were tired and my feet started cramping. As usual I was hungry afterward and dreaded eating. It’s not the actual eating part. It’s the making and cleaning part. Well. Maybe just the cleaning part. So I decided to head to Panda Express as a treat and to watch a movie when I got home. I reached the store about 5-10 minutes before they were supposed to close. To my shock the food was already taken up and they weren’t serving anymore. At first I was upset because now I have to actually make something unless I was going to go for some other fast food that I would like to avoid. But in retrospect it was a good thing. I didn’t really need it even though it can taste very yummy. Mmmm orange chicken. I was told I make a good stir fry and I had actually bought the vegetables earlier already so I might as well use them for dinner. Overall I guess it was a win. I made something healthier and didn’t spend money on something I really didn’t need even though I wanted it. Perhaps it’s time I kick into higher gear the cleaning of my house and start cooking for people again. I miss the experimenting on recipes to see how it will turn out as a different flavor combination. As long as the food comes out ok, I think people will be happy to try what my hands churn out of some indian foods I’ve been wanting to work on. Well, ’tis the season to be jolly. I’ll try and keep that in mind next time I’m tired and don’t want to cook.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel

Getting this off my chest

This is dedicated to each and every one of us that has those days where you interact with someone or some people that test your level of patience and where Mother Teresa might have even give you a one-time free pass to lose it.

Recently I had one of those days where many people seemed to know just what buttons to push and then keep at it. Over and over and over again. Almost no time in between to get a chance to count to 10, or 100. No time to sit in a corner and take deep calming breaths to clear yourself. The constant barrage seemingly with the pinpoint precision of a laser guided weapon. You are on the precipice when you almost raise your voice. When you almost just start yelling or crying just for the silence that will occur after the outburst.

And then you remember that you’ve been through this before. It will (probably) pass before you can’t take it anymore. You finally find that sliver in time where you can close your eyes and breathe. You can feel you head pounding less. Your heartbeat once loud in your ears starting to slow down. The rush of adrenaline calming its forces and the slow slow ebb of tension as you relax back into the now.

Even after, some of it might linger. A few moments. Days. Weeks. An ember waiting for the right fuel to send you back into a near out of control inferno of passion.

For anyone in this place I leave to you this mental gift that you may claim whenever you need it. For you I scream the internal cry by yelling “Ahhhh!!!!!!…” for when you can’t and for when you need it most.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel

p.s. Namaste

a joyful thing now come to light

Many people at work know of my missing medical bag. Where it went, who knows. It was in a bright orange ditty sack that I would bring to work and sometimes leave at work but usually take home. Wherever it is, I hope whoever is using it gets good use out of the belongings inside. As I’ve been having alternating anger and deep thoughts of stupidity on where the bag went, I was realizing that of the many items in the bag, there was one in particular (that is now replaced) that I missed the most. You’re probably wondering what it was. It wasn’t the adult or infant stethoscopes although I want to replace my current pediatric one with another infant one and I have another adult one. It wasn’t the ipod either although the loss of my music at work makes me sadder. Other things that were in that bag: work id, two of those small apple wall usb chargers :(, leatherman, watch, led flashlight, fold out ACLS/PALS cards, lithium-ion otoscope and ophthalmoscopes, (how much stuff was in there?), the sack itself as it was relatively brand new. I’m sure I’m missing other things but to get to the point…

The most missed item… my pen. I used a Dr. Grip Gel ink pen with ultra fine ink. That’s 0.38mm baby! Very smooth. Very clear.. as clear as my writing is at least. I tried using regular ball point pens but blah! First they seem to run out of ink quickly. The thin barrel is difficult to hold. They seem to scratch the paper instead of smoothly gliding over the page. Do you sense my love here? As a backup I have a Dr. Grip center of gravity with some refills that I’m moving over to for the time being while I reevaluate my pen love. I’m considering going back to my fountain pens, both of which I also very much adore writing with. I’m reserving my backup ultra fine pen to my moleskin journal. It needs it more than my work does.

p.s. (although not after all the writing) I will be slowly repurchasing many of the lost items and hope to not have it happen a second time. some of the items have already been repurchased with others to come. littmann even makes a rainbow-colored bell now. crazy!!

Well, more random thoughts to pass some time away with while I contemplate writing more about the upcoming holidays.

Santa’s Fallen Angel