self worth

as a hypothetical situation i was pondering (fancy for i caught myself woolgathering)…

for those of you with a child or someone you care about, how much are they worth to you? yes really. think about it. i’m not asking about a specific material object or monetary quantity. i would think most people couldn’t answer that question. many people would answer that they would do anything and everything they could for that person, possibly including their own life. that’s a pretty big sum all by itself wouldn’t you say? you want to be there for this person. you try to provide for them. you want to be there through good and bad. what would it be like if they weren’t there anymore? something beyond your control took them away or decreased your connection. this could be getting married, moving away, a fight, and yes even death. a hole now in your life and in your heart. an emptiness you may never recover from again even with all the possible substitutes you will try to fill it with.

now let’s switch gears to the pondering, yeah, that stuff i wrote wasn’t it…

at the same time we want to protect them, have you thought about how much you are worth to yourself? yes, yourself. is the sacrifice you are making a good sacrifice? is it worthy of them? you probably would agree that you want to be there if they get married, get sick, and make accomplishments to give you a smile.

what are you doing to make sure you will be there? how is your health? are you taking care of yourself? eat a lot of bad food? how much time are you spending with them? are you a smoker? heavy drinker? are these things worth it if they take you away from them? they won’t have you around to see them get married. you won’t be there to make them soup and rub vicks on their chest. you won’t be there to smile when they do something that would have made you proud.

while not a big believer is new year’s resolutions as we should just live right to begin with, maybe this is one i could get behind. we have parents or siblings or children and if you don’t have them, you probably aren’t a hermit if you are reading this so you probably have at least one friend, that person that might actually give a damn that you aren’t around anymore. i already determined this is the Year of Me. i need to prove to me that i’m worth it. improving me will help me to be there for my mother, for my nieces and nephews and if it happens, i’ll be around for my family. there might even be that side effect of having a better quality of life, less injuries and pains and overall improved happiness.

if you haven’t thought of your worth before, i hope you are thinking of it now.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel

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