Trust issues

2018 has been an interesting year for relationships. Interesting as in new and unexpected lows from people.

Earlier this year someone that I had been on and off again with seemed to be on again and finally heading to a place that would make me happy and content with that someone that made me stupid happy. Unfortunately, finding out she has commitment issues was not pleasant and having her cut ties and run away from things was painful. No communication and lack of closure has to be one of the worst things for me. I honestly didn’t think that the year could get any worse. I need to remember not to tempt fate.


It seems that someone I met on one of the online dating sites brought a new low to women and is challenging my ability to trust very much at all right now. We had a great connection and good times together. I knew she was writing a couple books. We had talked about my temporarily lifestyle traveling for work and that it would be easy to shift if things were working out between us. I would want to spend more time with her and make things happen to do so. She asked some questions that I didn’t think much of at the time and answered honestly even with some puzzlement. Later when I thought about the questions it prompted one of my own. You see, she was writing a book on relationships. I point blank asked her if our time together was for real or something just for her book. It’s tricky after that. She flat out denied it, in a text message, but then when I left for a work trip, she chose to use that time to send text messages, again a peeve that someone isn’t mature enough to call, saying that the relationship wasn’t going to work for her, pointing out the issues that we had already discussed even though plans were already made to spend more time together. Even with a written denial, the timing of her messages is suspect. She offered to keep me out of the book and I wrote back that I didn’t want to be in it. When she wrote back she didn’t confirm that but since she offered to not mention me I’m hoping she’ll follow through. I wish I could believe her though. I asked to talk on the phone or wait until I returned home but there’s been no response back. When we talked about dating, she had said that once something is done, she just blocks them out. I wish this magnet I have for unstable women would just stop working. They seem so normal until they twist their personality enough to show that ugly side of themselves.


I also worry that I’m tempting fate yet again since we are only just past halfway in the year. Can fate find some other, new, way to screw me over? Only time will tell. Unfortunately, my trust today just isn’t where I would like it. It’s my choice of course and I hope in time it will improve again.



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