Someone asked me what podcasts I subscribed to. Well, here they are, especially for those looking to improve their cooking. Feel free to pass this info along to those you think may need it.

* really like

Delicious TV VegEZ (video)

GardenFork. TV Cooking, DIY, & more

*NPR: Tiny Desk Concerts Podcast

*NYT’s The Minimalist (Video)

Podcasts for Running

Start Cooking video

*WNYC’s Radiolab

Working Class Foodies – Young, hungry, and broke.

Added to my Things That Are Confusing list…

I sent a message to local someone on a dating site to see if she would be interested in a friendship as I thought we had things in common but certain aspects were ‘off’ for something romantic. She replied that “Users on this website pay a lot of money in order to meet people in a romantic context. If from simply reading my profile you know that there is no romantic interest, then there is no reason for us to communicate further (or at all!).” Oops. Let that be a lesson to you all! You really can have too many friends it seems.

I get that maybe she’s so overwhelmed with responses and suitors that she may not have time for friends. Wow. I’m waiting for that to happen myself. Maybe then I’d better understand an offer for friendship instead of going out on a date.

-Confused In Albuquerque

Definitions from The Webster Dictionary

Fear:
A painful emotion or passion excited by the expectation of evil, or the apprehension of impending danger; apprehension; anxiety; solicitude; alarm; dread.

Afraid:
Impressed with fear or apprehension; in fear; apprehensive.

(Interesting that the definitions play off each other.)

Having fear or being afraid is normal. Every day we go through many moments whether we realize it or not where we have to make decisions that we aren’t comfortable with. Most of the time we just do what needs to be done and then we move on. We each find our own zone where we are comfortable. The spider crawling on the floor will annoy one person and make another scream as if someone is trying to kill them. That same screamer might be calm during a trauma resuscitation while the other person freezes up at the thought of blood.

Sometimes we can deal with our fears and even improve on how we respond to things we know we are afraid of.

I’ve had the opportunity to face some fears and I continue to improve on how I respond to them.

For my fear of the open water I took my first swimming class in college. Yeah. That’s right. I learned how to swim in college. I wasn’t as bad off as many of the other students. I had at least played in the pool and wasn’t scared of being in the pool. It wasn’t a bad class and I learned some strokes and how to survive for a short time in the water. I then took it to the next step when I was in Grenada and decided to get my PADI SCUBA certification while I was there. The first time I freaked out was when I had to remove my mask under the water, put it in front me, find it, put it back on and purge the water out. And this was just at the bottom of a pool. That urge to push up and jump out of the pool was incredible. Part of me knew that I wouldn’t die. Doesn’t matter. It was still hard. I did do it though. I also was able to do it in the ocean when I needed to. Haven’t had a problem since although a Jaws showing on tv makes me rethink things.

Next.

Fear of heights. Hey. It’s a long way down from up here. So many times trying to go up and down the ladder and so many times needing to take a pause to catch my breath. So… I did two AFF (Accelerated Free Fall) jumps. That’s skydiving. Not tandem where you are attached to your instructor. In AFF, they help to orient you but you are supposed to pull your own parachute. They will if you mess up. The first time I was fine until they opened up the door to the small plane. And yes the plane was still moving when we did this. Turning and standing under the wing wasn’t that bad really. It’s a little nerve-racking trying to stand on the little metal pad before you actually release. Mainly because I was having a hard time getting my foot to stay on the pad. The second time was rough because I knew what was coming up. I still jumped. Once you’re out, it’s a ton of fun. Two thumbs up. This year changing over my swamp cooler was a breeze. No issues on the ladder even with a little wobble.

Next.

Horses scared me. As a kid they were big and tall and I was told they could kick me and kill me. Let’s ride! Well. There weren’t that many opportunities then. Today though I took a lesson. They aren’t scary at all. My mare was gentle 99% of the time. Even got through turning, stopping, starting, trotting, going up and going down. Not a bad start. They can still kick you though. I can’t wait for my trail ride now.

Just a few examples but how often do we learn from mistakes/fears?
I try to hold to just one regret. On purpose.

Summer 1997. Greece. I met Anne-Charlotte Anderson (From Persgard, Sweden). I wish I had a picture to show. One of the most beautiful women I have ever met in my life both inside and out. I first met her in a hostel in Athens where a lot of us were having a few drinks of ouzo before setting sail in the morning for Santorini. We talked a little but that was it. The next day I actually ran across her on the ship. Nothing special. I had run across someone else that was telling me how much she was attracted to Indian guys (hint.. that’s me). Too bad she was already seeing someone. Oh well. Then my luck continues to be exceptional. I run across her on the island. We hang out. We go to dinner. Dancing. And a very long walk on a very beautiful night with a very beautiful woman. As my days were wrapping up she did something I never saw coming. She took a job on the island. And then another unexpected act. She asked me to stay with her.

Fear. Decisions. Opportunities.
One door closes and another opens. Or does it? What happens when another door doesn’t open. That was fear talking.

In my life now I try to attack my fears. I try to remind myself that it’s ok to have fear, to be afraid. But if you get locked up and freeze in the moment, you might not see the other door open and you might just miss an opportunity.

In my moment of fear. I chose to be more afraid of what others would think, like my parents, than what I wanted to do. Right or wrong. What would be my decision? In that moment. I let fear be my guide. I left. And that decision continues to haunt me over and over again. That is my regret in life. A moment where the possibilities were open to me. Where I was in a state of bliss that I let slip through my fingers without ever finding out where it could have gone. I was out of college with no real responsibilities. I believe in learning from regrets and moving on. Except for this. I’ve learned from this moment but I choose not to move on. It serves to remind me that fears and opportunities sometime go hand in hand. If I don’t take an opportunity I accept that it was my choice and I take the responsibility for the inaction. No regret. Of note. I did send multiple letters to her address on the island and in Sweden. No replies.

From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Perseverance
Continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition : the action or condition or an instance of persevering : steadfastness

-Ciao.

For anyone with a computer/computers at home I do encourage several things.
1. Make sure you need to log into the OS. In an IBM style (windows) pc you can also set a BIOS password when you even boot the computer. One can get around it but you have to know how.
2. On a mac make sure you do a back up with time machine or just the files you want to protect/save. for me i would die over lost pictures and music. i’m moving most of my simple documents to online sources since they don’t take up much space. On a PC there is software to make backups. You can leave it connected to the computer or just do daily/weekly/monthly backups and put the hard drive some place safe.
3. if you leave passwords in files on the computer you can protect word/etc files with passwords. you can also just have mnemonics to help remind you of the password instead of typing down the actual password.
4. you can take things a step further and on a PC with windows 7 (pro and ultimate) turn on bitlocker to encrypt the harddrive so even if it put into a new computer they can’t access the info. On a mac you can turn on filevault.
BUT!!!! You must remember the password / key (save it online maybe or stick in a safe deposit box) or you might lose EVERYTHING if you can’t remember the password/key. apple can store your key with three challenge questions.

Anyone gonna try any of this?

Trust as defined by Merriam-Webster: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

When I read that I had to ask myself if I truly trust anyone.

I went back over the current iteration of my own rules of life and was reminded that the very first rule that I created is

1. Don’t trust anyone, including yourself.

The first half was created as a medical student. Those of us that are physicians know full well how cutthroat other students can be. People who believe that putting others down helps to elevate themselves. As ‘they’ say, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished and I was punished a lot. Not that it really changed me much. My residents saw how hard I was working and usually they rewarded me accordingly. There are cutthroat residents as well that are willing to take full credit for your work. I didn’t have or need to backstab since I wasn’t gunning for the number one spot in that rotation nor did I have aspirations for the elite money-making fields in medicine. I’m a pediatrician. Seriously. We’re generally not in this for the money.

The second half I added as a physician. Sometimes we make decisions that don’t turn out as we plan. I’ll leave it at that.

No matter how it started the rule applies quite accurately to my non-medical life as well.

In my unfortunate relationship journey I continue to run across the “I won’t call you and you just need to assume that I don’t want to see you anymore.” Not what I consider a mature act from women. Perhaps I just have unrealistic expectations based on their ages and professions. Handling mergers, prosecuting or defending clients, and saving lives apparently doesn’t help someone to achieve a skill to be a good communicator outside of work.

In my most recent endeavor I had the opportunity to go out with another professional. During a conversation on relationships and before I even thought of it, she made it a point to state that the majority of her relationships ended well. One or the other was able to just say it wasn’t working. Wow! A rare oddity. It was a great feeling to believe this.

Unfortunately I was wrong. The last few conversations (paraphrased) were:
1 phone: me: dinner tomorrow? her: i have plans with the family this weekend.
-very plausible.
2. text four days later: me: hope you had a good time with the family. vietnamese this weekend? her: I have reading to catch up on this weekend.
-also plausible. she’s a PhD student but she also told me she’s only been putting in a few hours a day. i had a friend that worked on her PhD. I remember how on/off busy things could get.
3. text today: me: back in town, meet up for coffee? her: I think I see us more like friends. Thank you for your company though.
-finally truth. wonder if she would have said anything?

I admit that I like closure. Too many ideas roll through my head. I know I’m not the swiftest and am concrete too often.

Trust. I wonder if I’m too naive to have believed she would have broken the pattern. Granted we did talk about her problems getting into relationships because she over thinks them and runs them through her mind before they really even start.

Life is interesting. Sometimes it’s the same lesson that we need to relearn again. But is it the right lesson? I feel that I violate my first rule on a daily basis. Part of me doesn’t want to trust but I can’t help myself. And in my next relationship, I’ll trust again and get hurt again. Thankfully, like this, it doesn’t always hurt much. Quite a dilemma though.

-Nirav

update:
while sitting in bed trying to keep from hacking up one of my lungs i came to see a new lesson.. or question. at the end of the end. am i a trustworthy person. no matter what anyone else might say on either side, maybe it’s time to remove the second half of the rule. we make mistakes in life. you learn. you move on. something to ponder over sleep.

apprehension. anxiety. stress.

words that just hearing them start to make our heart race and blood pressure go up. sometimes we don’t even know why we are stressed or worried. we just feel the tension inside and start to get worked up.

things tend to work out I have to remind myself. for all the times that I have stressed out I’m still doing pretty ok in life. work deadlines. trying to be organized. rushing to catch a flight. ok. I have missed a few flights in my time but things still worked out ok.

then others ‘make us’ stress more. no. we choose to increase our own anxiety.

take a break. go for a walk. close your eyes and take a few or a lot of deep breaths. hey, if you pass out it’s a temporary break at least. depending on what you are doing, no one is probably going to die.

enjoy the sun. relax. maybe you already feel a little better just taking the time to read. give a last good Ommm and breath and be renewed. you can handle it.

-Nirav

I repost unedited the following from an email forward. Yes I did laugh. But it also does bring up the real idea that sometimes we need a real life application before something will make sense. Reminds me of the scene in Big with Tom Hanks where he’s trying to teach the kid math using a basketball analogy. The kid seems to get it.

Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations!

NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
CRIB_________________

1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shootin’. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive- by before he gotta reload?

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne’s $800 per day Crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother’s bail?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder.. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week’s income?

10. Marvin steals Juan’s skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Sometimes we are lucky to be exposed to people who appear exceptional to us. People that do or say things that we wish we could do. Sometimes we even feel envious. Sometimes we wish we could have that life. It’s ok to feel motivated or inspired. Just remember that we also don’t have the full story. A life that may seem perfect for someone else might simply be the shell around a painful existence. People can be trapped in their lives with the people in them, by money, by situations, or even by many things not in their control. Enjoy and appreciate your life. If you don’t like something going on. Try effecting change with yourself first.

I continue to effect changes within myself so that I can go to sleep hoping to feel that no matter what, I’ll be proud of my life.

-Nirav

For the first time in a VERY long time I feel a sense of progress. While I know many people shudder at the thought of a weight scale, I use mine as a symbol and reminder of the damage I’d done to myself. It measures weight sure, but it also gets body fat percent and water percent. Just moments ago during a random weigh, I found myself (very sadly that I even put myself in this position to begin with) at my lowest weight since 2008. Slow and steady but a mostly better diet and attempting daily exercise and I’m on my way. Good times are here to stay.

-Nirav