Milestones

A milestone is a physical marker showing the distance between two points.

It’s also used as a physical marker that can be a reference point.

These physical markers were used in times past to help the romans and other civilizations find their way and guide others.

Nowadays we have those posts on the highways showing… that’s right… the distance between one mile and another. The bigger ones can help you when you need to fill up on gasoline or find a place to crash for the night.

In other parts of life and thinking, milestones are the nonphysical moments in my life. Some are defined by near absolutes like the age of legal drinking. Back in the day it was 18. Then it was 21. Sucked for the people who were drinking at 18 when it went to 21.

With driving, depending on the state the age for your learners permit varies as well as when and how you get your license.

You can finally rent a car somewhere between 21 and 25 depending on who and where you are renting from.

People at different stages define themselves on when they become an adult. Unfortunately some people as children are in situations where they must be the adult to their parent-child. Before a legal number of 18 they must help guide the family, working when they should be playing, comforting a sibling while worrying about the next meal, being the rock for their parent-child when they can’t handle the reality of life.

At 15 or 55, finding that someone you want to be with is a moment that will stay with you. Some people believe in one love, one soulmate without a chance for someone else that special. Others feel one love after another.

The joining of two people is usually spent as a public ceremony that is a milestone for not only the couple but also for the people connected to them. Some people feel the need the meet this milestone and may feel undefined in some aspect of their life. A next stage can be a child. A subsequent unjoining is generally less public but just as defining of a milestone.

You live, you grow older. Family. Children. Children who have children. You wake up one day and find the hair leaving your head and growing out of other places.

Something that started as a job becomes a passion and you’ve defined a career that may span decades of your life.

Achievement after achievement. Failures and losses.

My own life has had its own milestones. Love and loss. The hair loss and hair growing.

Back in the day I once asked someone to spend their life with me. Before that moment she once gave me a blanket. The very first time I met her she was at my door. Somehow, something I never found out, she had heard that I didn’t have a blanket and it was freezing in my room at night. I understand the term ‘love at first sight.’ I felt a connection that was base level. The blanket initially a gift for warmth became a symbol of love. Over time it’s become an object to keep me warm. Scratchy but it does its job. I should say that it did its job. A milestone was made when I accepted it. Another milestone was reached when I realized it was finally time to give it away. I’m not going to throw it away. That would be a waste. And I choose to get rid of it not out of any sense of hate or anger at her betrayal but as a right of passage. An improvement of self that sometimes letting go of the past isn’t a betrayal of memories and what makes me what I am but as a gesture to myself. When I look at it I see a blanket but at times I feel like it’s a tether. I’m hoping it’s a tether that has made me doubt myself. When I donate it I will hope that it be received and used with the same spirit when it was given to me.

It will be interesting to see myself later and wonder if it made any difference to me at all.

In all my life I really can’t think of a time that I’ve felt a milestone moment. I tried to skip every graduation or celebration because they were already in the past and I had something to do in the future. Life has been a series of stepping stones on a journey not mile markers. Maybe this will be a stepping stone on the journey or maybe this will be the first thing I see when I look back on my life. Time will tell.

It’s 2am and I couldn’t sleep. Fatigue can sure bring out the stream of consciousness.

Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel

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