Honor in sports

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Watching the Olympic games can be just as disheartening as playing sports. When I started playing tennis a few years ago I was told that if I KNOW I was out on a serve or hit and the other player doesn’t call it that I should take the point and keep going. I’ve been watching various olympic games and recently the men’s final sand volleyball. Twice the same player made obvious mistakes that the ref didn’t catch even though the other team protested. The question would be if the offender knew he had messed up. The first time he touched the ball twice for a total of four hits from the team. The second time his hand hit the net on the way down. I think I would know that I hit the net. I still think that you should call it on yourself and be honest. It shouldn’t be part of the sport to take accept the mistake and move on. Honor is no longer what it used to be. Yes the refs are human and mistakes are made but to paraphrase something, Honor is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.

Saddened,

Santa’s Fallen Angel

future of tech. some of these are even my thoughts!

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Most people who know me know that I like tech products. I don’t generally buy the latest and greatest since I know they will be outdated soon and the price will come down. But I don’t think I’ve expounded yet on what I see for the future and why I get so excited sometimes about technology I try to keep up to date with.

1. e-ink and fast local low powered wireless.

– So here is my vision. In the hospital I have to log in every time to check vital signs and weights and whatever information I want. Wouldn’t it be nice to have an e-ink (think kindle screen) piece of paper that charges by induction that is updated by a local low powered wireless system. Clear text to read in something I can carry around. There will be concerns of privacy so just integrate and RFID chip that is paired with one on my badge for authentication. To take this one step further… I remember in the PICU having an awesome sheet at the bedside with 24 hours worth of data that the nurse can chart. Now instead, the monitor will feed that information onto the sheet for constant updates and trending. You could even have the sheet be a secondary monitor for the vital signs and ekg strip without having to go into the room. The labs will populate it as well. Everything at a glance and fewer mistakes documenting. Color e-ink is there and could have criticals automatically show up in red and blink or something. Maybe even a scrolling message. Integrate some handwriting recognition and the nurse can write her notes at that moment instead of having to log into a computer somewhere else. The nurse and the patient can also write down notes on their own paper and have them ‘leap’ onto the e-ink sheet and be there when someone stops by to read them so questions and concerns aren’t missed. Maybe I could even scribble a quick reply note down as well.

2. The future of computing

– I could try to discuss quantum computers but really this site will probably do a much better job.

http://www.howstuffworks.com/quantum-computer.htm

3. A nifty idea that will eventually happen but not like in the movies.

– http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyson_sphere

4. I like the idea of the google glasses and they have great potential, both for making us more and less sociable. I think it will come down to the person and how they end up using them. Will we take the time to remember people’s names when the glasses can just do an id check and show us who they are? Will we need the prompting more as we foolish continue to grow in numbers and outstrip our resources (ok, that was soapboxing).

Anyway, there are great ideas just around the corner. I’m hoping we can move past many of our petty differences and as a people make that leap forward that we need to advance as a people.

I thought I had more ideas but I can’t seem to remember them. Guess I should have written them down sooner.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel

shit or get off the pot

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Interesting phrase. One that most people know and may have even heard.

Normally i use Websters for definitions but more fitting I think:

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/shit_or_get_off_the_pot

And funny on a quick reading of them is a mistake in the third one.

 

Are there times when you can’t do either? When you must stay on the pot and not shit? I say yes!!!!

This is a rambling to be sure as I’m trying to think of things to write as we go. I’ve got one idea so far let’s see how far I can take it.

There are those times when you’re on and you’ve strained your heart out. Your head is dizzy and you’re worried you might just pass out. What do you do? You can’t shit at this stage but really, you feel like something needs to come out. You can’t get off the pot either. This is clearly a case of staying on the pot.

In life we strain with problems and at times we do need to make a quick decision but even if you find your head getting dizzy take a moment to try to think clear. Are you really ready to move on or do you need a little more time before getting up?

 

One could argue that flatulence is actually just a gas version of shit. Sometimes it smells and sometimes it doesn’t. But have you ever had really bad gas? I mean gas so bad you are doubled over in excruciating pain and just wish someone could poke you in the belly to let it all out? Yet another example where you feel you need to stay put to get it out before you explode.

In life we can feel internal pressures that can seem overwhelming and quite painful. We want to ask for help sometimes but if you just give it some time and stay calm, it can usually pass.

That’s enough for now.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel

Choices

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What an interesting dilemma life can be sometimes.

I would argue that unless we are under mind control or some alternate personality, EVERY decision we make is our own. I’ve talked about not saying sorry and such and this falls in the same idea.

Some of us go to work, do the work, go home, plus/minus family to deal with, rinse and repeat.

Do we want to be doing this? Why not just leave your family and be back on your own again? (and yes, some people do this).

I once read an idea that I’m sure to butcher while I’m trying to remember it… A man goes to work and at the end of the day wants to go and get a drink but he remembers that his kid needs (insert item) and at that is the crux. What to do? What choice is made. Does he take the one road and get the drink or save the money and just go home. It might seem to be an easy choice but is it really? Can they be equally good choices? Pause in the reading to think about what you would choose for this man. What would you choose for your self. Have you weighed other thoughts and possible consequences? While I’m not advocating using alcohol as a crutch who hasn’t had that kind of day where you come home and that beer or glass of wine just helps you relax and better appreciate your life.

Getting back on track. How do we make the choices when we are faced with them? I wish I knew or understood it sometimes. Why do people stick with jobs they don’t like? Shouldn’t it be ‘simple’ to find that niche in the world where you are happy? For some, maybe the money is the factor and they stick around just for that. Family so you don’t have to move and pull your kids out of school mid year?

Time for some self-contemplative thinking of what’s good for me vs. what’s good for the people in my life.

Climbing up might seem like a good choice to approach something but you still have something of a safety net in climbing down. Sometimes we need to jump off the cliff like a baby bird being tossed out of the nest. Sink or swim baby, sink or swim.

Santa’s Fallen Angel thinks about this often. Hopefully when I grow up, I’ll know what I should be doing. I didn’t lose my wings I just choose not to use them to fly. Why? I guess that’s just my choice.

Back to introspection and bouncing around my hobbies,

Santa’s Fallen Angel

Suicide

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That got your attention didn’t it?

Merriam Webster definition of SUICIDE
1a: the act or an instance of taking one’s own life voluntarily and intentionally especially by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind
1b: ruin of one’s own interests
1c: apoptosis
2: one that commits or attempts suicide
First Known Use: 1643

Time will tell if this is a short piece or a long piece.

Today I had a failure. A monstrously huge failure of epic proportions. I broke down and had a soda today. Not just any soda but regular high fructose corn syrup soda. For those interested it was half/half dr. pepper and pepsi. I’ve been very good for at least a month, probably longer, about having nothing more than a sip or two of soda once a week. But today it was 14oz of soda with lunch AND banana pudding. When thinking about my poor choices I continued to make worse ones later choosing a cookie and brownie when the opportunity arose. I haven’t actually had the cookie or brownie, yet. Then of course I see a child with a very large soda and eating cheetos, a very common sighting in albuquerque.

So the question arose… could this be considered a form of suicide. I meet 1a and 1b at the same time. Supposedly I’m ‘of years’ and ‘of sound mind’. I’m also voluntarily choosing this food/drink and putting it into my mouth, chewing and swallowing. I’m also ruining my own interests by harming my body. This is just the physical side of things. Could the self put down/self-depreciation be a mental form of suicide? While the taking of my own life isn’t immediate, being of less sound mind and body will decrease my life expectancy by ‘x’ amount of time. Or if not by time than the morbidity will decrease the quality of my life.

I guess this is a short piece as there are ideas to ponder.

You’re truly,

Santa’s Fallen Angel

Honesty or the version that best looks like it

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Please feel free to leave comments. Something you say may just open up someone else’s mind, a gift that keeps giving.

Merriam Webster Definition of HONESTY

1 obsolete : chastity
2a: fairness and straightforwardness of conduct
2b: adherence to the facts : sincerity
3: any of a genus (Lunaria) of European herbs of the mustard family with toothed leaves and flat disk-shaped siliques

So today I will be talking about herbs of the mustard family and how we can eat things like dandelions and chia seeds to enhance our lives. Or maybe I’m not and will try 2a/2b since I’ve never eaten a dandelion and never even owned a chia pet or eaten chia seeds.

So. Honesty. The don’t lie to me version instead.

Why do we even lie to begin with? I know some of my reasons. An acceptable lie being “of course no one is at your house to scare the bejesus out of you for your birthday.” Another would be “nope. no one here pointing a gun at me. you should probably just leave anyway.” I think I would completely say those things and be just fine. The #1 reason though being Fear. Good ole’ fashion Fear. That’s right with a capital F (not capitol since this isn’t a building). The kind of fear like when you’re a med student/resident and you’re getting pimped and you’re so exhausted you can’t think straight and when you’re asked a question you just make up the answer. Ironically, while I’ve been accused of this as a resident, I never did it. I gave the best information I had with full knowledge that I didn’t know very much. No reason to lie. Even as a med student I didn’t need to. I think my years in EMS taught me a little more self-confidence in dealing with ‘doctors’. My first ED rotation as an intern got me an interesting evaluation with some of the attendings thinking that I was overconfident, probably not knowing my EMS background lending to my confidence and comfort in the ER. I digress.

Have I lied in fear before. You betcha. I used to worry a lot more about what people thought of me and what consequences would be based on x y and z. Fits the modern idea of Politics. That maneuvering we associate these days with backstabbing and lying and doing whatever it takes to get what you want even if it involves going back on the things you’ve just said you will do or believe in. What’s a little lie now if it gets you what you want. You can blame someone else later. Eventually I realized I didn’t really care so much. Just do what I’m doing the best that I can and if I can go home with a clear conscience and sleep well, I’m doing alright. Now don’t get some idea that life became better and angels started singing. They were probably laughing their asses off at me. Actually, do angels have asses? Do you crap in heaven? I don’t remember that being addressed in the bible. Squirrel! (for those of you that get the joke)

I wonder if I’ve just offended anyone? Those were honest questions weren’t they? Brings up the notion of ‘too honest’ as I hear it. Truth is truth isn’t it? How could it be more truthful? We’re not talking about a white lie or lie of omission.

Anyway, these days most people who know me know that I just answer the question if you ask it. You might really hate the answer so you have to be very careful asking it. They answer might also be, “None of your damn business”. That’s still an answer in my book. You really want to know how you look in those jeans or just want someone to lie to you and stroke your ego? I’ll tell you if they are too small… if you ask me. Maybe too honest would be just offering my opinion without being asked. Food for thought.

What do I have to fear in life right now that I need to worry about the need of a lie? I’m single and have no real ties to anything. Am I worried I might get fired? Not really. I can go back to Locums or move and find a new job. Onto the next instance.

How many times in a relationship, the couple type, has there been a problem because someone just didn’t tell the truth. Isn’t the basic mantra that the media portrays is to tell the truth. Be honest. Don’t lie to loved ones. But how many people really want the truth? No seriously. You ask for it. You say you want someone to tell you like it is. But when someone does you get really upset and that “you hurt my feelings.” You’re right. I took my mechanical pencil and stabbed you in the feelings. I think it’s located about 2 cm above and 1 cm to the right of the belly button. Or I used my jedi/ninja mind control abilities and made you feel something you didn’t want to or these weren’t the right droids. Perhaps you chose to feel the way you wanted to feel. You chose to become hurt. I’ve said her name before. Check her out. Pema Chodron. It won’t be the last.

We interpret what people say to us and we choose how we want to react to said people. When I say something that pisses someone off from something misinterpreted, the first thing I usually ask them, if they are still even listening, is if it is something they would think I would do or say. If the answer is yes. Game over. Nothing will work at that point. But if the answer is no then I simply ask you to reevaluate what you thought and your response and see where it is coming from inside of you. There are plenty of times we may snap at someone because we had one really shitty day (or a string of them) and we just lost it in that moment. I’ve done it and you’ve done it. That’s reality. Now flip that thought. Someone just snapped at you and tried to take a big fuckin’ chunk out of your ass. Do you choose to get pissed right back for that small sliver in time you just went through or do you wonder if they had a really shitty day and just lost it in that moment and give them the smallest chance that they didn’t mean it. Once again, don’t take this too far. I’m not Jesus. I don’t always turn the other cheek. Once may be an accident, more is probably a habit. Also, there are gradations in life. Stress and worrying are relatives in the scheme of things. For the most part I don’t worry that the bus is going to explode or someone is going to suicide bomb in my grocery store. I don’t worry about shellings or being assassinated. I generally don’t worry about my skin color or citizenship. I have food. I have clothing. I have shelter. And I have companionship on those days I want it. My stress and worrying just don’t really even tip the scales from a global perspective.

Well, I’ve gotten off topic but that’s a good thing. It reminds me that I need to get to sleep. So good night.

Yours Truly,

Santa’s Fallen Angel

Thinking ahead…

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Yes! From now on to celebrate our love of tech and merging of body and tech for next years valentines instead of saying “would you be my valentine” we should say “would you be my +1”.

dichotomy, dualism and big words like that

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As always, I want comments and feedback if anyone wants to leave me any. Helps me to know if anyone is reading.

Definitions from Merriam Webster online:

du·al·ism noun ˈdü-ə-ˌli-zəm also ˈdyü-: Definition of DUALISM that I’m trying to using: the quality or state of being dual or of having a dual nature

di·chot·o·my noun dī-ˈkä-tə-mē also də-: Definitions of DICHOTOMY that I’m trying to using: 1: a division into two especially mutually exclusive or contradictory groups or entities; also : the process or practice of making such a division; 4: something with seemingly contradictory qualities

What is this rambling about? As usual it just takes something going on in my life for me to throw my thoughts to the universe.

Philanthropy: phi·lan·thro·py noun fə-ˈlan(t)-thrə-pē: a : an act or gift done or made for humanitarian purposes.

Yup. Giving stuff away. I’ve had several situations come up recently and I’m interested in how I acted/reacted to them. I find that in some circumstances I can donate something and not think twice about it but the majority of the time I can’t just leave it alone.

I like the La Montañita Co-op. Great idea of using local community resources. Price isn’t always the cheapest but the idea is to get better quality and more sustainability. That whole saving the earth and more important, saving ourselves thing. Do we want more colony collapse? I’m slowly getting my body into a better state of health. It’s not that I slip with my food choices. I know full well what I’m shoving into my pie hole. I choose to do it anyway because it’s probably very yummy. I still wanted a way to show them my support. Instead of donating (if I even could) money, I chose to go for a membership. Give them some money and get something back. Damn. There goes the pure heart of philanthropy I was trying to aim for. I wanted to get something back. It makes me feel better like I’m not wasting my money. I’m still pondering the implications with the added knowledge that I haven’t actually bought a single item from the place yet and now I have a lifetime membership.

My next dilemma. The biopark society. I think I want to go every so often to see what’s new and take my time looking around. No need to rush through from a single ticket purchased. I think it’s great to have a zoo, aquarium and botanical gardens. Same kind of deal. I want to donate money but don’t want it do disappear into the ether. I’m looking at renewing my membership and looking at all the goody perks I can get depending on the level I’ll be joining. Regular tickets for the summer concerts are $10. That’s it. But I’m giddy at the thought of only getting them for $5 with my membership. And not just myself. If other people are going I can get their tickets for the same price. And of course the free concerts and unlimited admissions.

Here’s the thing though. Is it wrong or bad to want value for the money spent? I supported the symphony with season tickets even if they went bankrupt and I never got to use my last few ones (not bitter at all.. grumble grumble). Now we have the philharmonic that I try to catch when I can. Donate money? Sure thinking about it since tickets alone don’t cover the cost. And then there was the debacle with the Natural History Museum. What a nightmare! I bought a basic membership spur of the moment not realizing what else they had to offer. When I wanted to upgrade it was a hassle. I tried contacting the right person and no one in the office ever got back to me. I ended up cancelling my membership and asking for a refund because the customer service was the worst I think I’ve ever run across that I can remember. No one even tried to contact me to ask me my problem or try to work on a solution even after I explained everything. I wanted to donate money but they made it so difficult I told them they lost a small benefactor. And they still didn’t care! It makes me NOT want to donate to others. But here we go again. Couldn’t I have just done it… donated… without wanting something back?

Crap. Therein lies the crux of the problem and getting to my beginning.

I feel like two people sometimes. I want to donate and help but I feel what I think are greed and want inside. I’m still trying to figure this out. I’m not a millionaire that I can just let money go with that much ease. I want something back for my ‘purchase’ but still feel guilty about it.

Alas, I shall live in this quagmire of thoughts and continue as is until I have something decided. Give and donate when it doesn’t seem to tickle my wants and at other times indulge in a purchase that is both giving and receiving at the same time. I didn’t win the lottery tonight although it peeved me how close the numbers were on some of the tickets. No extra special philanthropy tonight for me.

As I’m fond of this phrase:

Stick a fork in me I’m done.

Santa’s Fallen Angel

eggs and chickens

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That’s what I’m calling today’s thoughts.

What’s this about? Beginnings and endings or should it be endings and beginnings? That’s what. What beginnings and ends you ask. Or maybe you don’t ask. I’m writing for me anyway.

Does my past push me to into the future, whatever it may be, or does the future that I hold in my heart and mind pull me forward?

I know I am the sum of my past. That’s a given for me. I try to not turn away from painful memories or experiences. They’ve helped to make me… me. If you like the me that I am, yeah! that’s my past at work. If you don’t, deal with it. This is who you get. At least until such time that I am the me in the future.

Sometimes I wonder who I am and ponder the choices I’ve made in my life and what they mean for my future. Back to the previous idea, do I let my past push me forward or do I be led into my future? Where or when is the role for taking leaps of faith? Belief and faith are different for me. If I believe, I hold it true (or mostly true) in my mind. Let it be so as it were. Faith is that which requires “a leap of faith.” That idea that you don’t know what’s coming up and are hoping it’s going to turn out well. Many times with crossed fingers and palpitations and lots of stress.

There are parts of my past that I want in my future and I’m working to try to get those in place. I have a very vague view of what I want for my future. On a set of scales I feel I’m still at balance though. Bringing those parts of my past into the present will take some work and might be a fail but will be well worth the effort I hope. Should I be trying to clear up the picture of my future or continue to hold onto this vague idea and try not to rock the tiny skiff that I’m on? I am a pretty weak swimmer. Is drowning bad though? It may suck but it can pretty eye-opening and very educational. Maybe if I dive I’ll grow gills and follow a new path. Hey, I’ll admit it, I thought Ariel was pretty hot when the movie came out. That wouldn’t have been such a bad path if I had landed on that one back then.

I don’t know what my future holds and for right now that isn’t such a bad thing. I’m not going in blind, just not trying to force anything right now.

Perhaps one of these following pictures may solve the original question.

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Chicken_a21dc7_685833.jpg

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn227/BlameThrower_photo/WhichCameFirst_Fullpic_11.gif

http://druniverse.wsu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/2001Winter_AskDrUniverse_chicken_egg.jpg

-Santa’s Fallen Angel