There are just those times in life when things seems to fall into place cosmically. You decide (or were nudged) to contact someone. Then you actually meet them. Then you meet people connected to them. Then you find out that you aren’t as crazy as you thought or you’re all crazy together.

Having one’s eyes reopened is not always such a pleasant experience. But that’s our choice I think because of how we perceive things. Being opened up forces us to see what is around us and sometimes more painfully, what is inside of us. We can choose to either to stay/go back to the safe place we came from or take that momentary step into uncomfortableness that can be a source of new happiness. Many of these things are tied into emotions. And if nothing else, I know that I’m a creature of emotions. It’s not always so easy to keep myself in check. I stay vigilant in holding the up and down swings from getting too far off with varying degrees of success. My whole life I’ve been told that my emotions are generally known or seen before I have admitted it to myself.

Note to self: avoid poker tournaments.

I am a believer that people can be an inspiration to others and this can be a great opportunity. It can lead to good or bad changes but no matter what, we have to accept the responsibility for those changes. No one makes us do anything we don’t want to do. One somewhat fake scenario has to do with someone holding a gun to your head and ‘making’ you choose to do something or make some decision. You might feel stress and pressure but still the decision is yours. You could just say, “Nope. Not doing it.” even if the consequences are everyone being shot.

I continue to feel inspired to make positive changes in my life. Diabetes and heart disease are an american staple. I know I should be taking better care of myself. Exercising and eating well are good places to start and I’ve made small changes in this direction. I can tell myself a hundred times that I need to be better. It just hasn’t happened been consistent. It’s my responsibility. It’s my choice. And it has to be for myself.

I hope in the coming weeks and months I can start to make those decisions that I think are for a betterment to my mind, body and spirit. I look forward to this challenge as I have an inspiration.

-It’s not an uphill battle, just an opportunity to get some exercise.-

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All day I got to hear Merry Christmas. Top three topics are gifts and family and food. I do find this interesting. Not once did I hear or see anything about Christ. I’m not a believer myself but for some reason today I feel ticked off that the day got hijacked. I still wonder how I should and want to respond.

Happy Holidays? I don’t celebrate any holidays here either really.

Happy winter? It’s not winter everywhere. Plus, it’s cold. I’m not happy for the cold except for wearing sweaters and coats. Also for the winter sports yes, but overall not into the weather.

Season’s greetings is the same. What season? We’re talking about the holiday and/or the weather.

Now I know I’m coming off as a Scrooge. So be it. I guess it ticks me off a little to hear people preach one thing and practice another and get upset when you call them out on it.

This is supposed to His day and all. I’m happy to say that one of the nurses and her family showed a wonderful giving nature this season to a family in need. Not to detract from them but why do we tend to wait until this time of year to do so. Don’t people have needs throughout the year?

I buy my own gifts. That’s my choice. I also buy things for other people throughout the year. Not everyone. Not even a select choice. If I’m in the store or online and I see something that someone would like, it’s much easier for me to get it and give it then instead of waiting for a time of year that I don’t celebrate. I’ve been told that I need to be more responsive and open to the beliefs of others and respect those days. I get it. I would if I actually thought they were celebrating Christ and not buying presents as a status symbol or because someone said they wanted something. And then I probably wouldn’t be getting them anything except maybe a letter about the money that I donated on their behalf. I’m sure that would piss off some people because they didn’t get something tangible. Screw the christmas spirit for some if it interferes with capitalism. Leading up to today I’ve heard from many people talking about how their family or friends wanted X, Y or Z item. Sometimes X, Y AND Z. Really? Fine if you want to celebrate that kind of holiday power to you. It’s great to get together with friends and family to be together, but it does bother me that people use this time of year to show one another that they care through material gifts that are EXPECTED. Isn’t that a reason why we have gift receipts?

Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

-Santa’s Fallen Angel-

i was going to just start with xmas and ramble on from there but found much more to talk about… (you may not wish to read unless you have sufficient holiday spirit)

random rambling… the 3 wise men thing as far as i know wasn’t just 3 wise men. actually, using concordances i don’t see where a number is listed. just some guys. moving on now.

those that know me know that i’m not a big fan of holidays as a general. most are days of the year that have been taken over by shopping and expectations. let’s go through the biggies… (numbers and figures may be totally made up on the spot by me and are therefore 100% accurate).

1. new years eve/day: not so bad really. people get together. party. drink. watch the ball drop if you stay up that late. some convenient/inconvenient hookups to be noted when you wake up in the next year. resolutions are made. most with good intent. and most of those broken before the day is up. instead of diet plan, try a lifestyle change.

2. birthdays: yeah. hypocrite 100%. i celebrate others but keep mine quiet. i hope the people who want to talk to me just pick up the phone and call, not wait until a calendar throws up a reminder. i skipped out on a surprise birthday party in med school that my ex setup. i told her i didn’t want anything and she went ahead and did one. i was more upset that she specifically asked me what i wanted (nothing in this case) and went against it. good intention, bad outcome. i never showed up.

3. valentines day or as it was recently renamed by a female friend to “happy bitches day”: it was renamed for the idea that this one day each year is held with trepidation by both men and women alike. men for having this one day of the year to prove their love since the other days may not be in the correct celestial alignment to boost the power of venus and the grand connection between the couple. women because if their man doesn’t do something spectacular it proves that he doesn’t love her or care about her wants/needs/desires/jewelry needs (http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1561741,00.html) or something like that if i understand things correctly. praise be to the debeer’s “a diamond is forever” campaign. a continuation of socialized prostitution. defined by merriam-webster: the act of having sex in exchange for money. or in this case lobster, diamonds, and/or roses.

4. mardi gras (shrove tuesday): as i learned on my trip to new orleans the native that gave us our tour stated while they do have their parade, the natives don’t celebrate like the drunken tourists. more like a 4th of july grilling. leave it up to the american tourist to turn it into a drunken festival and breast showing event. i’ve also read that it is also considered the last catholic day to indulge before the fasting of lent

5. st patrick’s days: similar to mardi gras. but in the spirit of international cooperation, we get to drink with the irish.

6. cinco de mayo: also similar to the others. my understanding is that we celebrate it more strongly than the mexicans do themselves.

7. mother’s/father’s/grandmother’s/grandfather’s/etc days: nice idea in concept. i could do better with calling home. but it helps those who don’t to show that even one day a year you might be forgiven for not calling or writing any other time.

8. july 4th: how many people do you see NOT being able to sing/know the words of the star-spangled banner? also, while we use the term BBQ, it’s not really correct. see this: http://shine.yahoo.com/southern-food/bbq-v-grilling-whats-the-difference-2495209.html. quick and simple definitions. most people are not actually BBQing. they are grilling.

9. thanksgiving: finally. something that isn’t so commercialized. yes there may be some decorations but for the most part an actual bona fide good day. a time for people get together and in theory remember good times and enjoy good company. there’s also the american past time of not only stuffing the turkey but pigging out so much buttons may pop one’s garments starting the two months or so of gorging until the new years for resolutions.

10. black friday: yeah. time to buy stuff. a nice holiday made up to sell sell sell… stuff we probably don’t need or even want a few months after they are bought.

10a. cyber monday: this i place as a corollary and not by itself. it’s too close to black friday to give its own number. simply an extension of black friday for tech stuff. these days though there are usually much better sales before black friday even starts. at least for the higher quality items. praise be to online shopping.

time to ramble: so, being that i forget about holidays and in this case xmas. i made the big mistake on a day off to go pick up something from the store. i know i wasn’t thinking. first trying to figure out why there was so much traffic. then trying to figure out why there was no parking. it finally took until i stepped into the store and saw the fake snow/snowflakes and holiday wrapping to realize people were xmas shopping. thankfully i was picking up my item bought online. short line then out the door. repeat experience at REI and then high tailed it to the safety of my home and away from crazy drivers/shoppers.

11. halloween: overall not so bad. big for commercialism. decent parties. and yes, a good time as any for some socially acceptable scantily clad female costumes. there probably are male ones as well. not interested in those. kids get to go around a get lots of candy to help keep dentists in business for the rest of their lives. not that they need much help with soda and other junk food served year round. ah for the days of medical physicals for all the dental surgeries that were complicated enough to require OR time. kids. don’t worry. your grill may not be fancy and studded with diamonds but will be just as shiny until you get your dentures.

11a. dia de los muertos: better

and finally

12. christmas/winter holiday time!! time to celebrate capitalism and the idea of “what am i going to get?”/”i didn’t get what i asked for?”/”what do you mean give to others? this isn’t about me? how much did this cost?”, santa, kwanza, festivus, (c)hanukkah and some guy that people tend not to thank much for giving us some days off and grief over holiday schedules.

remember: it’s not about what someone may have thoughtfully done for you during the year but what they bought for you during said specific holiday or calendar date. so learn the lesson well. if you find something for someone, buy it, store it away until the right time of the year to give one of many gifts instead of being some single solitary thoughtful gift and hope they haven’t bought it themselves or someone else hasn’t bought it for them already. and don’t forget the gift receipt. that’s sometimes the only way to return something.

a merry bah humbug to you all. and to all a good night.

-Nirav- aka Santa’s Little Helper

these following are not references but similar articles/ideas.

http://www.businesspundit.com/the-commercialization-our-25-favorite-holidays/

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/04/opinion/04sun3.html

http://press.princeton.edu/titles/5713.html

http://fremdamericanstudies.ning.com/profiles/blogs/holiday-commercialization-do

http://www.jstor.org/pss/2078795

Someone asked me what podcasts I subscribed to. Well, here they are, especially for those looking to improve their cooking. Feel free to pass this info along to those you think may need it.

* really like

Delicious TV VegEZ (video)

GardenFork. TV Cooking, DIY, & more

*NPR: Tiny Desk Concerts Podcast

*NYT’s The Minimalist (Video)

Podcasts for Running

Start Cooking video

*WNYC’s Radiolab

Working Class Foodies – Young, hungry, and broke.

Added to my Things That Are Confusing list…

I sent a message to local someone on a dating site to see if she would be interested in a friendship as I thought we had things in common but certain aspects were ‘off’ for something romantic. She replied that “Users on this website pay a lot of money in order to meet people in a romantic context. If from simply reading my profile you know that there is no romantic interest, then there is no reason for us to communicate further (or at all!).” Oops. Let that be a lesson to you all! You really can have too many friends it seems.

I get that maybe she’s so overwhelmed with responses and suitors that she may not have time for friends. Wow. I’m waiting for that to happen myself. Maybe then I’d better understand an offer for friendship instead of going out on a date.

-Confused In Albuquerque

Definitions from The Webster Dictionary

Fear:
A painful emotion or passion excited by the expectation of evil, or the apprehension of impending danger; apprehension; anxiety; solicitude; alarm; dread.

Afraid:
Impressed with fear or apprehension; in fear; apprehensive.

(Interesting that the definitions play off each other.)

Having fear or being afraid is normal. Every day we go through many moments whether we realize it or not where we have to make decisions that we aren’t comfortable with. Most of the time we just do what needs to be done and then we move on. We each find our own zone where we are comfortable. The spider crawling on the floor will annoy one person and make another scream as if someone is trying to kill them. That same screamer might be calm during a trauma resuscitation while the other person freezes up at the thought of blood.

Sometimes we can deal with our fears and even improve on how we respond to things we know we are afraid of.

I’ve had the opportunity to face some fears and I continue to improve on how I respond to them.

For my fear of the open water I took my first swimming class in college. Yeah. That’s right. I learned how to swim in college. I wasn’t as bad off as many of the other students. I had at least played in the pool and wasn’t scared of being in the pool. It wasn’t a bad class and I learned some strokes and how to survive for a short time in the water. I then took it to the next step when I was in Grenada and decided to get my PADI SCUBA certification while I was there. The first time I freaked out was when I had to remove my mask under the water, put it in front me, find it, put it back on and purge the water out. And this was just at the bottom of a pool. That urge to push up and jump out of the pool was incredible. Part of me knew that I wouldn’t die. Doesn’t matter. It was still hard. I did do it though. I also was able to do it in the ocean when I needed to. Haven’t had a problem since although a Jaws showing on tv makes me rethink things.

Next.

Fear of heights. Hey. It’s a long way down from up here. So many times trying to go up and down the ladder and so many times needing to take a pause to catch my breath. So… I did two AFF (Accelerated Free Fall) jumps. That’s skydiving. Not tandem where you are attached to your instructor. In AFF, they help to orient you but you are supposed to pull your own parachute. They will if you mess up. The first time I was fine until they opened up the door to the small plane. And yes the plane was still moving when we did this. Turning and standing under the wing wasn’t that bad really. It’s a little nerve-racking trying to stand on the little metal pad before you actually release. Mainly because I was having a hard time getting my foot to stay on the pad. The second time was rough because I knew what was coming up. I still jumped. Once you’re out, it’s a ton of fun. Two thumbs up. This year changing over my swamp cooler was a breeze. No issues on the ladder even with a little wobble.

Next.

Horses scared me. As a kid they were big and tall and I was told they could kick me and kill me. Let’s ride! Well. There weren’t that many opportunities then. Today though I took a lesson. They aren’t scary at all. My mare was gentle 99% of the time. Even got through turning, stopping, starting, trotting, going up and going down. Not a bad start. They can still kick you though. I can’t wait for my trail ride now.

Just a few examples but how often do we learn from mistakes/fears?
I try to hold to just one regret. On purpose.

Summer 1997. Greece. I met Anne-Charlotte Anderson (From Persgard, Sweden). I wish I had a picture to show. One of the most beautiful women I have ever met in my life both inside and out. I first met her in a hostel in Athens where a lot of us were having a few drinks of ouzo before setting sail in the morning for Santorini. We talked a little but that was it. The next day I actually ran across her on the ship. Nothing special. I had run across someone else that was telling me how much she was attracted to Indian guys (hint.. that’s me). Too bad she was already seeing someone. Oh well. Then my luck continues to be exceptional. I run across her on the island. We hang out. We go to dinner. Dancing. And a very long walk on a very beautiful night with a very beautiful woman. As my days were wrapping up she did something I never saw coming. She took a job on the island. And then another unexpected act. She asked me to stay with her.

Fear. Decisions. Opportunities.
One door closes and another opens. Or does it? What happens when another door doesn’t open. That was fear talking.

In my life now I try to attack my fears. I try to remind myself that it’s ok to have fear, to be afraid. But if you get locked up and freeze in the moment, you might not see the other door open and you might just miss an opportunity.

In my moment of fear. I chose to be more afraid of what others would think, like my parents, than what I wanted to do. Right or wrong. What would be my decision? In that moment. I let fear be my guide. I left. And that decision continues to haunt me over and over again. That is my regret in life. A moment where the possibilities were open to me. Where I was in a state of bliss that I let slip through my fingers without ever finding out where it could have gone. I was out of college with no real responsibilities. I believe in learning from regrets and moving on. Except for this. I’ve learned from this moment but I choose not to move on. It serves to remind me that fears and opportunities sometime go hand in hand. If I don’t take an opportunity I accept that it was my choice and I take the responsibility for the inaction. No regret. Of note. I did send multiple letters to her address on the island and in Sweden. No replies.

From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Perseverance
Continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition : the action or condition or an instance of persevering : steadfastness

-Ciao.

For anyone with a computer/computers at home I do encourage several things.
1. Make sure you need to log into the OS. In an IBM style (windows) pc you can also set a BIOS password when you even boot the computer. One can get around it but you have to know how.
2. On a mac make sure you do a back up with time machine or just the files you want to protect/save. for me i would die over lost pictures and music. i’m moving most of my simple documents to online sources since they don’t take up much space. On a PC there is software to make backups. You can leave it connected to the computer or just do daily/weekly/monthly backups and put the hard drive some place safe.
3. if you leave passwords in files on the computer you can protect word/etc files with passwords. you can also just have mnemonics to help remind you of the password instead of typing down the actual password.
4. you can take things a step further and on a PC with windows 7 (pro and ultimate) turn on bitlocker to encrypt the harddrive so even if it put into a new computer they can’t access the info. On a mac you can turn on filevault.
BUT!!!! You must remember the password / key (save it online maybe or stick in a safe deposit box) or you might lose EVERYTHING if you can’t remember the password/key. apple can store your key with three challenge questions.

Anyone gonna try any of this?